How to Write a Eulogy

Writing a eulogy can be both a deeply personal and emotional task. It’s an opportunity to celebrate the life of your loved one and share cherished memories with those who knew them. Though the process may seem overwhelming, breaking it down step-by-step can help you create a heartfelt and meaningful tribute.

How to Write a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide

1. Consider the Style of the Eulogy

Before you begin writing, think about the style that best fits both the person you're honouring and the tone you want to set. Here are a few common approaches:

Chronological: This is a traditional style that walks through the person’s life from beginning to end. You can highlight significant milestones, achievements, and life events in order, providing a full picture of their journey.
Story-based: If you want a more personal and engaging tone, consider focusing on a few key stories or anecdotes that reflect the person’s character. This style helps others connect with specific, memorable moments and can highlight the joy and warmth your loved one brought to others.
Values-based: Instead of focusing on life events, you can organise the eulogy around the person’s core values— like kindness, loyalty, or humour. Share examples and stories that illustrate these values and how they impacted those around them.
Thematic Eulogy: Instead of organising by events or values, this style focuses on a central theme, such as "love," "courage," or "adventure." You can then share stories or reflections that connect to that theme, illustrating how it defined the person's life.
Legacy-Based Eulogy: This style focuses on what the person leaves behind—whether it's a professional legacy, their contributions to their community, their impact on family and friends, or values passed on to the next generation. It’s about highlighting the lasting influence of their life.
Milestone-Based Eulogy: While similar to a chronological approach, this style focuses specifically on key milestones — important achievements, turning points, or "defining moments" that shaped the person’s life and character. It provides a snapshot of their most pivotal experiences.
Humour-Focused Eulogy: For someone known for their wit or sense of humour, this style leans into lighthearted memories and funny stories. It still honours their life but emphasises joy, laughter, and the way they made others smile.

Think about the audience, too. A mix of humour and reflection can bring comfort, while a more solemn tone might suit the occasion depending on the circumstances.

2. Reflect on Memories and Relationships

Take some time to reflect on your loved one’s life. What moments stand out? Consider their personality, how they made people feel, and the relationships they held dear. Think about their passions, hobbies, and the things they loved most. Jotting down these memories will give you material to work with as you shape the eulogy.

If you’re feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to ask family members or friends to share their thoughts and stories as well. Including different perspectives can enrich the tribute and show how widely they were loved.

3. Create a Structure

Once you’ve chosen the style, outline your eulogy to ensure it flows smoothly. A simple structure might look like this:

Introduction: Start by introducing yourself (if necessary) and explaining your connection to the person. A brief acknowledgment of the occasion and those gathered can also set the tone.
Main Body: This is where the heart of your eulogy lies. You can organise it based on the style you've chosen — chronologically, by stories, or by values. Aim to highlight the essence of who the person was, their impact on others, and what made them unique. Try not to just write a list of facts. Instead try to create character through stories and memories.
Conclusion: End on a note of reflection or gratitude. You might want to thank those in attendance, acknowledge the support of family and friends, or close with a hopeful or comforting message about your loved one’s legacy.

4. Keep it Personal and Genuine

There’s no need to aim for perfection — what matters most is sincerity. Speak from the heart, and don’t worry if it feels emotional or imperfect. Share moments that were meaningful to you and others, and don’t shy away from humour if it feels appropriate. Laughter can be as healing as tears, and sharing lighthearted memories can bring comfort.

5. Edit and Practice

After drafting your eulogy, give yourself time to step away before coming back to revise. Tighten up any parts that feel unclear, and make sure the tone is consistent with what you want to express.

It’s also helpful to practice reading it aloud. Speaking the words gives you a sense of the pacing and can help you feel more comfortable on the day. If you’re worried about becoming emotional while delivering it, consider having a printed copy to refer to, or even ask someone to stand by as a backup reader if needed.

6. Trust Yourself

Finally, trust that your words — no matter how simple or elaborate—will have meaning. You’re honouring your loved one in a way that only you can, and the act of remembering them through your words will be a gift to those who hear it.